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Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Time Event
Trump Names Running Mate!
Having accepted the National Enquirer conspiracy theory that Cuban expatriates, including the father of Senator Ted Cruz, were involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump went on to declare:

That, if elected, he will deport all extraterrestrial Aliens from Area 51, and force them to pay for a wall around the planet:

That he will defeat ISIS by conscripting Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) into the Special Forces and parachuting them into Syria:

And, that, when nominated, his Vice-Presidential nominee will be Elvis Presley, " a real American, and a true patriot."

Mr. Presley was unavailable for comment.

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